Wednesday’s Orange Revenge

Last Sunday was like every other Sunday when I don’t have to go to work. The day usually starts with breakfast involving smoked salmon and bagels ( Pop’s favorite, not mine ). Maybe I get to do a bit of yard work, then some grocery shopping gets done while Pop stares at stuff at the store. She Who Must Be Obeyed swims a mile at the W, and I usually get to go on a bicycle ride. Last Sunday was a bit different

Wednesday, my Surly fat bike said she needed some exercise and that it looked like I needed some too.

I told her that I had found some orange valve stem covers for her. Wednesday was very excited about the new accessories she could sport on her black, My Other Brother Darryl wheel set with her new, orange, Mission Command tires.( see Baby Gets New Shoes! ) She told me to put them on her immediately or she would stuff me into a tree. I ignored her seemingly hollow threat and pressed on. When I took her out of the garage for our ride. She warned me again of what she might do if I didn’t install the orange valve stem covers right now. I thought I placated her by saying I would put the orange valve covers on her stems after we returned and she had a shower and was clean

Off we rode. The wind was blowing at least twenty from the West South West (WSW) direction.

We both agreed that it would be best to ride into the gusts initially, so that the same air would push us home on our return. We got on the trail heading West. We rode a bit and then up the little section of single track running parallel to the trail and then headed South towards Purgatory. The trail South is a fun mix of switchbacks, chicane, 90º turns, fences, and ditches.

We were having fun aggressively wiggling back and forth on the trail until Wednesday’s frustration with me for not putting on her new orange valve stem covers exploded. In a very tight right hand, off camber turn, Wednesday reached her limit. She caused her rear tire to break loose in mid corner, which threw me towards the ditch and she spun 180º on her side indicating to me just how badly she wanted to go home, to get her orange valve stem covers put on.

I sat where I landed and took inventory. I didn’t think I hit my head on the ground but checked my helmet anyway. I was waiting to go into shock when this very young man stopped and ask me if I was OK. I said “ No not really”  “Thanks” and continued to feel what I had hurt. My right knee, elbow and shoulder were road rashed pretty well. I felt for my collar bone assuming it was broke, because that part of me hurt. But no, my collar bone was not broken. Then I felt on top of my shoulder and felt an exquisitely  painful bump. I thought I dislocated my shoulder but still did not go into shock. Wednesday just laid there on her expensive side in the middle of the trail with road rash on her pedal, and her Shimano XT 8000 rear derailleur. Her bar end was scraped too, but thank goodness her braids were still intact.

At this point, three more bicycles arrived on the scene of carnage. A dad with no helmet and two little boys all 3 of them in flip-flops. The dad was an EMT and concurred that I had ruined my shoulder in some manner. He got my phone out of my seat bag and let me call She Who Must Be Obeyed to ask her if she would bring me to urgent care. I told the man and boys that they could go, thanked them for getting us to the road, and that we would be fine. They declined my offer and waited for She to arrive, and then put Wednesday into her Element.

She Who had brought me extra clothes and then She brought me to North Memorial Urgency Center which was almost walking distance from the crash site, providing you were not hurt. I laughed getting out of my Element, and almost wore my helmet into the facility so that they would not ask me if I had been wearing a helmet. Years ago when my collar bone broke everyone that talked to in the emergency room asked me if I had been wearing a helmet.  I was quickly checked in and whisked to a room so I did not bleed on their pristine lobby floor. Within seconds, a doctor and two nurses burst into the holding cell and started their interrogation. Yes, I was wearing a helmet, and yes, I had a tetanus shot not to long ago. Yes, Wednesday threw me to the ground because I did not install her new orange valve stem covers. Yes, I would be elated if you could clean my road rash, and yes I will walk over to radiology to get my shoulder x rayed. Afterwards the x-ray tech even gave me a CD of my bone portraits plus 36 wallet size photos to give to friends.

After my wounds were cleaned by nurse #1 and she put me in a sling she had customized. Doctor Wieker came back in and instructed me to take it easy and go visit someone involved with orthopedics to see if this mess can just heal on it’s own sling, or do they need to cut and paste. He gave me a prescription for some serious pain killers that I didn’t need, but just in case. He then asked us all to leave. He strongly suggested that the next time Wednesday asked for me to install her orange valve stem covers before a ride, that I should do so.

There is more to this healing process saga that I won’t bore you with. But please remember, that when machines talk to you, you had better listen, because Gravity is a harsh mistress and so is Wednesday.