Lobster Boy

I enjoy eating crustaceans.
The Alien ( my Mother ) claims that I could field strip a lobster by myself at four years of age. Believe that if you will.

In days gone by our family would vacation in Old Orchard Beach, Maine almost every summer. That’s where I learned to love seafood. At low tide we would go clamming for quahogs and make chowder. There was a lobster shack in I think Kennebunkport that was named Baileys, You would pick out a lobster, they would cook it, and give it to you with a pile of hot french fries cooked in beef fat. There were picnic tables outside. When I got older and would visit Maine with my friends, we would stop at Baileys or another lobster shack. I remember one time sitting on the tailgate of my ’64 Olds Vistacruiser, eating a lobster using my hands and to crack the claws a ViceGrip pliers from my tool box.
For my last birthday party we ordered 8, pound and a half live lobsters from LobsterGram. I have purchased lobsters from these folks many times before. We ordered only lobsters, but LobsterGram has all kinds of seafood products and more. My favorite part is that your order comes from Maine in a styrofoam cooler over night. Your live lobsters are packed with these chill gel packs to keep the lobsters cold plus they give you nice fresh lemons and little tubs of clarified butter ready to warm up.

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Cooking lobsters is so easy. You just need a big stockpot filled with boiling water. When I say big, I mean big. Years ago I bought this 36 quart stainless steel stock pot in Toronto, but that’s another story. The burner from one of those turkey fryers is what I use to heat the water. It is low to the ground and puts out a million BTUs so you can boil the water fast. Plus it is fun to do this out of doors. Some folks put salt in the water, but Homey don’t play that. We eat too much salt as it is. So once your water is boiling. Ready set go. Place, don’t drop your new pets into the stockpot head first, in an effort to kill them quickly. There is no squealing except from the onlookers.

The recipe is simple. For pound and a quarter to pound and a half lobsters, make sure the water has returned to just boiling after the lobsters are in, then cover the stock pot. This should happen almost instantly if you have used a big enough pot of water. Have a swig of beer or whatever, and turn off the gas. Yes turn off the flame. Now this is the hard part. Wait 10-12 minutes, depending on the phase of the moon and the prevailing winds. Do not lift the cover off the pot until the appointed time! If you are lucky enough to get bigger lobsters, like 2 pounders. Do every thing as instructed above but simmer covered for maybe 5 minutes and then let them sit covered with the gas off for about 10 minutes. Use your brain. If your pot is on the small size you may need to extend the sit time a little. Big pot, much water, big burner, keep water hot, lobster cook better. ( say that like Jay Silverheels was made to speak on TV ) You don’t boil lobsters unless you like to eat leather that smells like the bathroom door of a tuna boat.

There is lots to know a about eating a lobster. I will save that for another post or you could invite me over and I will show you how. I can bring the pot.

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